Why Being Passive Sucks. Or Not.

 Now that we've got a good understanding of what passivity is and how to identify a passive person, let's explore the possible pros and cons of being a passive person. In the next post on passivity, we'll talk about ways to change passive behavior if you find that it is becoming a problem in your life.

The Benefits

1. Being Held Accountable is a Rarity.

Remember that passive people tend to let others have all the control, so when the shit does hit the fan, the leader is often held to task--not necessarily their passive minion. Because the passive person never spoke up to initiate any moves or finalize any decisions, they are often forgotten about when it comes time to dole out consequences for any problematic happenings. Most people hate being blamed for things, even when it is their fault, so I'd chalk this aspect of passivity up as a plus.


2. Virtually No Pressure to Ever Make Tough Decisions

Because the passive person allows things to happen to and around them without their input or influence, the passive person is often the absolute last person to be consulted when it comes to making tough decisions. Further, they'll have about a 0.01% chance of having to actually make a tough decision themselves on a regular basis. This can be viewed as a positive because people often have a hard time knowing what the "right" thing to do is in situations that are complicated or painful. The passive person will be least likely to be considered to decide whether or not to take a family member off of life support, choose whether or not a company merger should take place with a former competitor, or which play should be made in the last 15 seconds of the championship basketball game.

3. Superficial Peace

At least on the surface, a family with multiple passive people may seem quiet and calm to an outsider and even to the family members themselves. This means that there's no fighting or arguing, screaming matches or family members who decide to run away from home. Because everyone is so passive, everything painful is stuffed and tolerated in silence. There are often other outlets for any discomfort, sadness, or anger that is not being openly expressed. These outlets are sometimes quiet and private, such as masturbation, journaling, or self-mutilation. Other times, these outlets are public, but exercised outside of the home, such as getting drunk at a bar, discreet criminal activity, or infidelity.


4. Low Bar

Since people often forget that the passive person even exists, they usually don't expect a lot from them outside of doing what they're told. The passive person has no hoops to jump through or hurdles to clear because no one is holding them to a high standard as an employee, friend, spouse, child, or student. As long as they are there at the convenience of others, they're given a 'pass', so to speak.

The Drawbacks

1. No Credit

Being in the background on project after project may land the passive person a mention in a credit on a back page of a document somewhere, but that's about the best that is to be hoped for. And that's only if they have a very conscientious and kind group of people who they work with. Often, regardless of how much or how little work the passive person put into something, they are forgotten when it comes time to take credit for making something happen. And, per the profile, this person is not going to speak up and ask to be given publicized credit for the work that they've done.


2. No Say-So

The passive person may have preferences and desires, but because they've grown accustomed to letting everyone around them be in charge, those notions get pushed to the back burner on a consistent basis. Being passive means that they may not have the assertiveness that it takes in order to speak up and voice which movie they'd prefer to see, their salary expectations, what color they want to paint the kitchen, or what their bottom line is for buying a new home.


3. No Honest, Open Depth in Relationships

When people are assertive, it can be a lot easier to learn things about them because they will speak up about their likes and dislikes, what annoys them, what brings them joy, what scares them, and so on. But these things are very often a mystery to others when they're interacting with a passive person. While they may be fine with trusting them to complete certain tasks, they may not feel a very strong connection to the passive person because they can come off much like a void or blank slate. Therefore, the passive person could possibly have many acquaintances that they may call 'friends'. They also may have what others see as "good" relationships with their family members, but it's really just an artificial cohesiveness for the sake of show. Their family could be deeply tense and filled with resentments that just don't manifest themselves in an open and honest way. When people don't directly discuss and address the things that are bothering them, those feelings and thoughts fester inside of them and have the ability to cause emotional, social, mental, and even physical damage. This is where passive-aggressive behavior is born.

4. Squandered Potential

Like most human beings, it's very likely that a passive person has special talents, passions, and skills that are often underutilized because the person doesn't push for these skills to be used. Because the passive person is often forgotten about, rarely publically receives the credit that they're due, and doesn't push for their ideas to be heard, whatever talent they have may stay hidden from their family, friends, and colleagues. For example, this means that their natural talent for singing stays in the shower with them. They don't sing at the karaoke bar with their co-workers, on the cruise with their family, or in the car with their friends, so no one knows they can sing well to be able to encourage them to seek formal training and audition for gigs at bars. They could become a local, national, or even international sensation, if only those closest to them knew what they possessed.


What other benefits and drawbacks to passivity can you come up with? Which have you actually seen in your everyday life?


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