Why Gays Shouldn't Marry: Wandering Hearts

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I would encourage gay people not to marry if they have had problems with commitment to others in the past. Multiple bouts of infidelity in dating relationships, lack of loyalty in familial and platonic relationships, and even having hardships sticking to professional commitments or plans can all be signs that someone isn't quite ready to dive head-first into a life-long commitment such as marriage. As with other major marital issues, if marriage to this person is still desired, some form of counseling to resolve any problems related to loyalty would be beneficial.

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Why Gays Shouldn't Marry: Misanthropy

Yet another reason gays probably shouldn't get married is because they don't like other people. You may know one (or even several) people who seem to genuinely dislike being around other human beings. They spend lots of time alone, dodging party and event invitations (if they even receive any at this point), or with less complex life forms such as plants or pets.

There could be special cases in which a person still has some level of contact with family or people they grew up with and begins to feel pressure to marry. So they go on the odd blind date or allow someone to create an eHarmony profile for them, in the hopes that they'll find someone that they can tolerate in order to get their family off their back, but still be able to enjoy the solitude that they've grown to love so much.

Unless one misanthrope marries another, this can create a tense relationship. If one person is sociable, outgoing, and boisterous, the hermit-like figure may come off as disinterested and bland. This may lead the more outgoing person to feel unloved and neglected, at best. At worst, the more outgoing person may become abusive, cheat, or file for divorce.

If someone has clung to solitude throughout most of their lives, they may have a hard time navigating relationships in a positive way, including doing things like being thoughtful, romantic, or emotionally supportive. It might be helpful for the person to gain these skills before they are encouraged to enter into a romantic relationship, let alone commit to marrying someone.

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Why Gays Shouldn't Marry: Unhealthy Starts

Another reason gay people might want to consider holding off on marriage is being in a relationship with someone that is unhealthy or consistently problematic. The person could be abusive, obsessive, territorial, melodramatic, or aggressive. Sometimes, when people find themselves in relationships like this--especially if they've gone on for years--they may think that the act of getting married will suddenly make everything change for the better.

While that would be a wonderful miracle to have take place, the odds lean heavily against this happening. If your relationship was fucked up when you were dating, it's very likely to stay fucked up when you get married, UNLESS there is a concerted effort to make some big changes in the relationship. This could mean communicating more openly about hurts, offenses, and desires; taking a class or attending a seminar about healthy relationship skills; or setting aside time to see a couples counselor.

Though marriage can be a wonderful and exciting next step for any relationship, it doesn't mean that it is going to wipe away any of the problems that may exist in a relationship. Be sure to either adopt the tools needed to manage, or be prepared to fully except, any issues that are part of a relationship before moving forward with getting married. If you don't, there's a good chance that the union will be short-term, or that both parties will be miserable throughout.

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